no meat, law of attraction, energy, and marathon running

I have to say the last two months of my life has been the best I have experienced in some time. The Earth is still moving in a perfect ellipse and hasn't changed--but I have. I look back on my earlier entries from past years and I see a change. A simpler life I had with less anger but so many questions. Now, I am in a space where I am very open. I have laid down my shield of anger and frustration; I am ready to put on my wings of anything and everything I desire. I want to fly to new heights despite the limits of my physical situation. I have this feeling of love and hopefulness. I have been reading a few books centered around the Law of Attraction and positive thinking. I wasn't a big fan of "self-help" books , but I found some real truth studying these subjects. Through my studying, I have found some peace--I still struggle but more time than not, I am happier. It has brought me to the point where I have stop eating meat, chose a better way of life (eat to live mind frame ) ,I want to run a marathon, and go back to school. I feel like I am on the edge of jumping off a cliff into the sky of greatness. The energy is a lovely feeling. I pray for this feeling for everyone and for it to continue in me.


Peace
Ashley

Oasis

The Sun is so pressing at times-- so I thirst. I thirst so incredibly, I search aimlessly to satisfy myself. A search that seems never-ending. The bronzing of my skin and the squint of my eyes are evidence of my quest.  I was getting use to the dehydration. But at least, water appears out of the dryness I call life---my oasis. I run. I kneel to gulp the water I ought to sip. Unwavered by the intoxication that soon to ensue, I drink and drink.
I look up for just a moment still feeling the heat and pressure from the Sun, but at this moment my thirst is satisfied. I think to myself, "is this how it will be, nomadic forever, traveling from one oasis to the next?" I stop thinking to enjoy my satisfaction. The satisfaction was so real,I drink until my oasis ran dry--just like everything around it. Damn... I thirst again. The push of the pressure of the Sun is strong, I move on. I vow never to stop at another oasis again; no matter how much I have the need to be quenched. I will walk and walk until I find an ocean to satisfy my thirst for a lifetime.

Your distance brings me peace...I think.

Direct eye contact-
You know the type that makes one's body react-
And a sparkle, a tangle ensues.
I haven't felt this feeling for months on end.
"Fight the urge, "
I said in my head,
Because you have dues and vows.
So my self-esteem and ego took a bow-
To act like I didn't want it would take a valiant performance.
It taunted us,
Well, me actually.
But, your distance brings me peace

Nevertheless,
This made me cry inside,
But you are good people.
So good,
When I first experienced you,
I felt as we were equals.
The sounds and vibrations were too loud-
So you said it was too much-
And we had to calm it down.
But you re-thought it,
And I revealed in the fact that-
Your distance brings me peace.

I think about riverside views,
And the moment when something beautiful is due.
Conversely, I am lost by not having these things-
And it just that "thing."
Can't quite put my finger on it.
Especially, when naked bodies and naked fingers,
Become the composition for the time-being.
It seems, your distance brings me peace.

My stomach drops to the pit of my core,
As I soar -
Up and down this roller-coaster,
Little too fast and high than I am use to.
Delighted-
Scared-
Excited-
Ashamed-
All wrapped into one.
A mutual understanding of
"Let's just make it fun."
No title nor label is drawn
But the feeling of comfort is born
So, you distance brings me peace-
I think.

I will be so faithful...

To the One I will love,

You beautiful creature-
Make me anew,
Make me love you,
Fulfill me,
Bring all the thrills of your World to me.
A command,
A demand,
A direct order, to order our soul-
In love in a universe where love seems not to exist.
I don't want us to just exist-
I want our union to persist past this-
All this that society throws at us-
Trust,
Trust is more than a plus-
It is our compass.
Our faithfulness to one another is our true and magnetic North,
And our water source.
Nourishment for a lifetime-
A foundation for two sound minds forming lasting pair.
I do dare-
Dare to say, all this is in the name of love.
Should I lend you a drop of blood, my left ring finger, or to bear a child-
To show you it's real?
When I see you-
I will then realize-
I will be so faithful


Peace before all,
Ashley

Don't Let Desire Rule You

Lost in thought as usual, I came across this random but important thought about desire. Desire! Desire, the yearning for pleasure... the need to be pleased. For what you desire, I have no reason to know but the fact you , I, we desire is my concern. You may say, "okay this will be a rant about how desire is evil and destroys the focus of the common human." I would calmly say, "No, no it isn't." Desire is good; it is motivation for most to get through the day. Like everything else, I believe there needs to be a balance. When sensory pleasures and emotional comforts rule our existence we will come across issues in our life. You may think of someone who is a drug addict but it can be as simple as someone who hooked to the instance gratification that a text message brings (you know the types that constantly need someone "hitting them up" to feel important... I have been a victim). Desire. Even our self image falls prey to desire. I am all for body modification (ok, ok I will say it, plastic surgery), but if the desire to enhance yourself surgically inhibits your self-esteem to foster--- we may have a problem on our hands. The desire to please, as well, can be an issue. Can I say, we all have been in situation that we try to impress someone so much that it took away from us caring about ourselves. Changing the way we dress, making sure the other person is more then comfortable when not concerning ourself, and the list goes on of other things we would do. Desire. Desire and our own well being were not balance. Desire was the ruler of the kingdom (queensdom) that is me, you, and all that become a victim to desire. Be conscience of your existence and don't let desire rule you. Peace before all, Ashley.

Everything for the first time

Pleasant or not-- a first time experience prompts growth. Lesson learned and understanding gain via a source. What is this source? For me, it's someone , but for you, it can be a world of things. If you notice someone always speaking about a time in their life or a person of their past--- that is their source. I am currently in my "everything for the first time" experience and it sucks big time. Then I realize it has to happen this way for it to never happen again. Make sense? Complete sense actually, a small child touch the stove while hot and burns herself-- she will never do it again becuase she understands the result. I am touching my stove and I am feeling the burning sensation that is numbing my body ,but more so, my emotions. After my emotions blister and peel-- I can start with new and stronger skin from being burned!
Peace
Ashley

Expiration date

You ever try to prolong the expiration date on a food product, lets say apples. You may try to put the apples in the 'fridge so they won't spoil. But have you experienced, when you try so hard to preserve these apples they still spoil , and may even spoil faster than normal. So it is true you can not manipulate certain things, experiences, events. I have said time and time again, I will not try to preserve these apple more than nature itself, but I fall in the trap, with the force of blind dependency blowing the wind under my wings. It is interesting how the human mind works. Interesting in deed, well how my mind works. As I shift away from having something I want, I try to have it more, even though, I am losing it. It is like wanting the shoreline while sailing away. Like wanting apples when they are past their expiration date.

Peace
Ashley