Always one minute away from messing up my life , and thus... The struggle

Today, January 28,2009
Ashley Eden Meadows is offically destroying her, once set, life bit by bit. I am losing focus and being reckless ( in my context is different than the norm ). I need help? Yes. Will I ask for or allow someone to help me? No. Eventhough, I may complain about the struggle vividly, there is more joy in summiting the hill after the uphill battle when it done with your own strength. The struggle... for me, is at a all-time high. No breakdown, meltdown, or anything with the word down included. It is the mindframe that wins the battle. The thought that why complain now, it could be worse! And worse , it could be. A minute away, sometime several minutes away from throwing it all away. It is scary, but thrilling in the same sense. Risks and mistakes make life , life; they create interesting stories and experiences. Damn, but it still sucks. Wish me the best!

Peace before all,
Ashley.

Ashley's Talk...The Vernacular that is, oh so, Spectacular

I will fox with it-- I will deal with it or mess with or assoicate myself with it in some matter

It is a groove-- it is real smooth

The struggle-- life

You slacking-- you are not up to par

Bump That-- forget that or f*%k that

Bumping That-- playing music at a elevated level

It is was, what it is-- use as a suffix to things that you can't really explain


Peace before all,

Ashley.

What if... The conspiracies

What if...
Osama is not real, but a robot
2012 is really the end of the world
Jesus already came back, but we thought he was crazy
Nafta was made to create the amerio
We know about 9/1¹and let it happen
We are the biggest terrorist by the way of mcdonalds and coca cola
Aliens really do exist
Everyone really does need love, and any form is pleasing in God's eyes
Hilter was right
Slavery never happened
Progressives actually acted progressively, instead of just thinking in a progressive manner

What if...
Peace before all
Ashley

Friendship? (part 2)

In a previous entry, I detailed a bit of a maylay that interrupted a "friendship". Well it has come full circle. At least, in my mind it has. I guess with all thing expressing what you really feel is best, cause we all know "lies are bomb!"

Peace before all,
Ashley

And the struggle begins...

Due to certain circumstances(that began in the summer), I have found myself in a bit of a pickle. But like Howard Roark, in the Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, I will go to the granite quarry to do the common man's work, not because I am force to, but because I would rather do simple work than let the work of my passion be in vain. So, I will work tirelessly in this granite quarry, I call my present, until I have the opportunity to build my Enright house of my passions.

BTW, I started boxing training today. It was the best, maybe it can help with some of the aggression that I have.


Peace before all,
Ashley

The only thing that is a mainstay is...chaos

As expressed in the chaos theory : (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaos_theory), the dynamic of chaos, the seemingly repetitive random occurrences are the only thing that can be depended on (besides love). In my life, with my addiction to change, chaos is the only thing that I have that is true and pure. When most believe chaos is a manic manifestation, I believe that chaos is a controlled and predictable randomness. That is what is meant, when I say controlled chaos, not that I control chaos, but the system of randomness that controls the universe, is dependable and constant.

Peace before all,
Ashley

Lies are Bombs: The Truth is a Bullet

Bell Hooks, in her book Bone Black, said Lies are Bombs. Lets take that one step further, if lies are bombs, than the truth is a bullet. Yes, the truth has a fierce sting, might even cause the spill of blood; but lies destroy the settlement of an existence, a relationship, a friendship. I rather the bullet of truth to rip in to the flesh of my pride , than the bombs created by lies to exist under the surface of a relationship, only to explode and destroy what I thought was real and true.

Peace before all,
Ashley