Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Resolution

1) Save 30% of each paycheck
2) Pay off all my credit cards
3)Finish my CPA exam
4)Travel to at least two other countries
5) Stay current with my blog ;)
6) Stop my energy drink
7) Run the Long Island Half Marathon in May

Peace before all,

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Off to Trinidad

I am leaving for Trinidad and Tobago for two weeks. I will be without cable and the internet, so I don't think I will be able to post anything, but I have schedule some blog to be posted while I am away. I will definitely will have alot of pictures when I get back.

Peace before all,

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A World of Emotions

Today, well the last few days, have been a composite of emotion, uncommon to the likes of myself. I try to stay at a even plane of peacefulness, but there are points were my plane starts fold in on itself, kind of like the space-time continuum when a object reaches the speed of light. Well, I had to move out of my apartment, for the reason of encroachment by my landlord, I am not a person to ask for help, but I did. And as usual, the people I rarely ask for help flake out on me. A sense of loneliness and worthlessness swept upon me like a tornado does to the plains of the Midwest. Why do people help everyone else but me? Am I not a nice person? Am I not good enough to be helped? As I ask myself these questions, I felt myself drifting further away from the human community with every second past, with every increase in my level of anger. I have always felt that the life I live is surreal. Dreamlike, I see and hear everyone else, but no one sees me, no one cares. I have no attachment, no anchor to this world. The anger that swelled inside me was inhuman, but it is just not today, but everyday. I might be struggling on the street with heaviest bags known to man, as I am known to carry several bags, but no one will even venture to ask to see if I need help. If I saw me, or any other person, I would ask. Have I done something wrong in a past life? Have I said the wrong words to my fellow man? Or maybe I don't projected to value to society that satisfies the requirement for being helped. So, I am alone, as usual. I value self, so there is no need to supply any anti-depressant or therapy sessions.

Peace before all,

Monday, December 22, 2008

Woman, Am I?

Blessed with requriements

Thick Lips

Wide Hips

Woman, Am I?

I am no Diva

I am no Queen

I am no Princess

Woman, Am I?

I sweat

I cry

I smell

Woman, Am I?

Aggressive with the boys

Aggressive against the girls

Aggression is me

Woman, Am I?

Sex on my mind

Pick a boy that is all types of fine

No need to lock him down to be just mine

Woman, Am I?

Not in looks

My pride's source

Is the knowledge gained from books

And the risks I have took

Woman, Am I?

I love humanly

I bleed monthly

I think deeply

Woman, Am I?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

I am figuring it out

Someday, I do sit and wonder about the world, how if certain events happened, or didn't happen-- how human social interaction would be completely different. Today was engrossed in the topics of homophobia and racism--two mechanism of blind hatefulness. I wondered what they were a result of; ignorance, yes, but that is a given. As I thought deeper, I discovered what was the source of these two social prejudicial mainstays.

Homophobia is the result of pure and unyielding vanity, especially those of the male gender. The thought that if this guy like man, and I am man, he must want me. This assumption fuels the erratic paranoia of homophobic. Truly, you must apply the same laws of attraction of heterosexuals to that of homosexuals. I am heterosexual; I am attracted to men, but not all men, and the same is true for a homosexual male (or female).

Racism is the product of insecurity and ignorance. When I say insecurity, it is deduced from the aggregate of racial inferiority. The fear that is discovered when it is realized that "a people" have certain traits, features, or characteristics that create a nexus of adaptability better fitting in the Darwinistic battle in the ever-changing terrestrial environment. Lies and falsehoods are substituted for reality and passed on as the truth, or the fact as stated by the laws of nature.

This are just thoughts, but I believe they applicable without too much of a stretch (really, no stretch at all).

Peace before all,

Friday, December 19, 2008

Jazz music and a snowy New York day are a perfect pair

The soundtrack to my day, on this wintry expression in December, was John Coltrane's "Living Space." The snow fell with a certain zeal and pretentiousness that surprised me. I had things to do today. I wanted to start moving out my apartment, and being my stuff to the storage unit I rented. I wasn't going to happen. I was mad at first, but it turns out, today was a good day.

On the bus, I murmured lines of poetic hopefuls. I thought up "Woman, Am I," centered around my femininity that is ever-in-flux and always in question; I pondered about my blackness and how it is not rooted in the South or West Indies, but just blackness, which most can't wrap their minds around; and I dreamed of freedom from the obligation of the norm pushed upon me as burdensome load that is carried daily. It was jazz--without words sung, that helped me create the words of my thoughts. It is true--I love music, sounds, all other pleasant vibrations of the ear. Creativity-- picture, painting, writing, expressions of the human mind. It took a cold New York afternoon for me to feel the warmth of creativity and the result of thereof. Even so, I saw Will Smith new movie, "Seven Pounds", and it was moving to say this least, with artistic shots, dramatic plot structure, and excellent casting and acting. Creativity, bien.

I am writing this, as John Coltrane's fills my ears, this time his "Afro Blue Impressions," and I feel that next to nothing could make this day better.

Peace before all,

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Pornographic actress honoring...

In his song "Hurt Me Soul", Lupe Fiasco highlights ..." all the world's ills...", and one of which was, as the title reads, "...pornographic actress honoring."
Firstly, I feel my advocacy for the female practitioner of the adult entertainment consortium, is not based on a hidden life soaked in lust and sinful endeavors, but is steeped in my effort to uplift the female gender in all arenas.
Pornographic actresses are usually linked to nymphomania, drug addiction, and other forms of recklessness. Is there mention of the good? Rarely. Entrepreneurship, tough skin, steadfastness is never mentioned.
It is a profession, just as my profession. I am an accountant; they do adult movies, no difference. We are both in a control environment with co-workers that whisper gossip, annoying supervisors, and "office" modus operandi that seems never to be realistically applicable.
So why not honor them? If I have done outstanding work that is beyond the level of any other CPA in the country, should I not win a "CPA of the Year" Award?
And there should be no difference in the adult industry, so support the 2009 AVN Awards, this upcoming January. Support female empowerment!

The Many Things Associated to Sexuality: "Women in Porn"

Back to the topic on hand:
The Many Things Associated to Sexuality
This sub topic will be a "two-parter" composed of "Women in Porn" and "Women and Porn"

At first, I thought all women that took up employment in the adult industry was result of the unfortantue descent from modeling or acting, for the money (hard times and the rent is due), by the maniputlation of a man, or any other negative circumstance that you can impute, but some make a decisive move to start career, like any industry.

I was having a discussion with a young man that works for me. He made a point about how if he meets a porn star that he feels that he would be able to engage in a sexual act easiler than witha typical woman. Basically, there is negative connation, just not by him, but will most men even woment, that think since these women and men have sex for a "living" they would easily partake in these acts in their private life. I don't think it is the case. Actually, I would think they would be more prude because they are not getting paid.

Porn is not as easy as it seems. Check out this video interview on YouTube of Jazmine Cashmere: Think about this, you might have to have sex with someone you are not attracted to, there is alot of acting that needs to be done.

Peace before all,

Running Away or...

Yeah, I noticed a trend. I am aways trying to get away. I am not scared of detachment or being alone without a safety net. Why? I don't know, maybe it is classic case of me trying to "find myself".

I really don't feel that I am trying to run away, but most others whom observe my daily doings interpret my actions as "running away." I feel I am running towards something--towards what? Again, I have no idea, but whatever it is, I know it is better to run towards it then staying put where I am presently.

I have no fear of change; I am deathly afraid of the snare of complicity and mediocrity

Peace before all,

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Absurdity of it all: I am comfortable with my sexuality

Disclaimer: This is not an intolerant bash or a coming out party, but simply a celebration of being a woman!!..:
Why every time I say the words, "I am comfortable with my sexuality!" It is followed by questions of my sexual orientation! Are lesbians the only women that are truly comfortable with their sexuality? And if straight women are comfortable with their sexuality does that mean they are branded with the whore label (Check the test Women vs Whores)

Well, you are not looking at a whore in me. Sexuality doesn't just mean sex, sexiness, and any and everything dealing with sexual organs. Sexuality is the way in which one carries oneself in situations that are concern with individuals of attractiveness.

I think there are many unsatisfied women in relationships and marriages because they don't understand their sexuality and its value to themselves and those who "love" them. Why is this, because it is still taboo in 2008 for women to explore there inner sexuality without negative commentary. There has been much criticism of the Muslim faith for "forcing" women to wear hijabs , but it least their restriction of female sexuality is overt. In American culture, the main critics of the Muslim faith, the restriction female sexuality is more serve and covert.We are told we are beautiful in any form but we are told that we can't express it or if so, it's at the risk of negative labels. We are told that we have to keep are husbands happy at any cost, but He has no obligation to keep us happy.

No wonder lesbians are so happy and satisfied, there is no standard, rather double standard, only if all women can own a small portion of this confident and all men can help in aiding all women in expressing their sexuality.

So I am Really Back on My Fitness Tip


I am a personal trainer, as well as, the many other things that I do. I actually started my own personal trainer service, but this isn't an infomercial. I am still in pretty good shape, especially compared to the majority of the American population. I want to get back to my peck about two years ago. So, I decide I want to really be serious about training for a marathon. Maybe the LA marathon, once I move there...;)

Peace before all,

That picture over there--->
That's me...not too bad, right?

Quarter-Life Crisis


So I realized that I am going through a quarter-life crisis in a big way. I have cited that this crisis began about the time of my graduation from my undergraduate studies at the fine institute of St John's University (NY, North-Side Jamaica , in May of this year.

You are probably wondering why I believe I am going through a quarter life crisis, well here are the reasons: since May I got three tattoos, a piercing (not a normal run of the mill piercing), wanted get my tongue pierced, moved out of my apartment, moved into another apartment, moved out of the second apartment, and I now I am moving again into another apartment, quit my internship that was going to lead into a lucrative full-time job, applied to Peace corp.,tried to learn Chinese, applied to get my Ph.D, thought about going to law school, cut my hair, cut my hair, again even shorter, I stop driving my car, wanted to get a motorcycle, tried to skateboard, wanted to move to Washington DC to work for the IRS, now finally, I want to move to LA to do who knows what...

Even though, I feel that I am a state of great flux, I feel in control of the chaos that has been recently attached to my persona.

Seriously, I will be moving to LA. Why? Who knows, like I said before. If I can live in New York and be okay, then I can live anywhere, right?

Peace before all,

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Women vs. Whores

Women vs. Whores
What is the difference?In my opinion...The difference is tucked away in...Amount of sexual encounters is not the deciding factor in the litmus test for whore-domWhat are the overall objectives?

The tests are:
1)How you present yourself

2) Is it sex(external occurrence) or your sexuality(personal ownership)Whores have sex; Women engage in acts that express their sexuality

3)Money Are you engaging in sex for money (unless it is your profession), popularity, to get a record deal, to get in to parties, for Jordans, to ride around in his fancy car, to get in to the vip, if so, you might be a whore…

Whores are sources readily used by others for pleasure;

Women are sources of pleasure, who are aware of self in a way that creates fulfillment for herself and her partner.

Peace before all,


The Many Things Associated with Sexuality

Sex, Sexuality, Sensual, Getting Freaky...
Image, Slut, Whore, Good Girl, Sin...

Sexuality and the concept of having sex is always a hard topic to tackle. This topic is a personal favorite, because what is more intimate to a person's character then their sexuality, their sexual wants and needs.

Sexuality, also prompts conversion of sin, hell, and God's shame.

I entered the domain of sexualism, 2 years and 6 days ago. Why? Because I realized if I didn't start soon, I would end up a 40 year old virgin, with ease. So I commence my realization of sexuality with ordered decisiveness.

I will be completely honest, at first, I didn't see the hype. I couldn't see why many fiend for sex, why someone would pay for sex, or why the adult industry was so lucrative.

Sexuality is not something bequeath from the air, but is developed overtime building upon the foundation of genetics. In this series, I will talk about my own experience, taboos, pornography, gender roles, and other topics.

Peace before all,


Friday, December 12, 2008

The Economics of Relationships (Part IV)

Liquidation refers to the process by which a portion or entire entity is brought to an end, and the assets and property of the company redistributed

When do you know when your relationship needs to be liquidated?
1)"Marketable Products become obsolete" (Part I):Products that were once attractive to one another have become useless, overpriced, or easily replaced.

2) "No extra mile"(Part II): there is no goodwill being create, at all. Neither party is trying to make the relationship special

3) "The concept of offspring is a no-no"(Part III): Though in Part III, the concept of producing offspring was detached from the fact of loving-ness, but even with this in mind, if you can't see yourself having a child with the other person (mistakes do happen) maybe the relationship is in question.

In the realm of relationships, the objective detachment professed by the Economics of Relationships is most effective if you are emotionless, or can avoid emotional attachment. Being the steady sales of kleenex tissues, emotions will be a mainstay. Good Luck, to all the lovebird out there.

Peace before all,

New Series

  • The Economics of Relationship series will end with today's post: The Economics of Relationships (Part IV) : Liquidation
  • There will be a new series: The Many Things Associated with Sexuality

Peace before all


Speak for yourself: Singular vs Plural

I received an anonymous comment on my most recent blog that read," one cares about what you're saying...." I am not angry because everyone is entitled, and even more obligate to relay their opinion about the promulgated rhetoric that they are subjected to. My qualm is the fact this person, in relaying their opinion, spoke for others.

If you, personally, don't agree with, dislike, or feel that what is being said is plain boring.... speak for yourself.
Rather than, "" one cares about what you're saying....", this person should of said " I don't care about what you're saying"

Peace before all

BTW: I love comments of all kind

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Economics of Relationships(EOC) (Part III)

Joint Venture:
Lets go half on a baby, literally.

A joint venture is an entity formed between two or more parties to undertake economic activity together by both contributing resources in order to achieve financial gain, improve public opinion, or advance effectiveness of operations.

As has been the theme for the preceding installment of the EOC series, elements of the business world ring true in the realm of personal interaction.

It has been noted (google it) that arranged marriage are more likely to avoid a premature end by the mode and method of the divorce court. So why not, simply have a child with a person because they are financial sound, have a great gene pool, or any other numb attribute that alleviate the pressure of having a child with someone you "love".

We are made for the purpose of why are we, as humans, aimlessly searching for someone who we "truly love" and "want to marry" to have a child with? The aggregate delay is deferring our purpose of continuing the human race.

When everything is spelled out and upfront, I believe ,the nonsense that is attached to parenthood will be erased. Defined roles, delineated resource contribution, demarcated visitation rights will outline the joint venture, that I am deeming parenthood.

Look, if done correctly, your son or daughter can come out like Sony BMG Music Group or Verizon Wireless (two very successful joint ventures)

Peace before all,

The Economics of Relationship (Part II)

What is Goodwill? Goodwill is an accounting term that describes the portion of value that is not attributable to the business' net assets. For instances, if a company is worth 1 million dollars and another company is willing to pay 1.2 million dollars, the excess of 200,000 dollars would be labeled as goodwill. How does goodwill arise in the business world? Goodwill is the "extra-mile" that a business puts in to its operations: giving back to community, consciousness of the environment, and a comfortable work environment for its employee.How can we, as individuals, foster goodwill in our relationships?

As I said in Part I, we are all marketable products that play in to the supply and demand system we call dating and relationships. The supply of needed products is the foundation ( the net asset, I mentioned above) that goodwill is added to. Goodwill in a relationship is beyond the basic attraction, physical interaction, a contractual compromise to live as a unit rather than separate entities. Yes, this approach to relationships, though a bit callous at times, has room for the sappy and mushy moments that are usually associated with relationships. Goodwill is the "extra-mile" performed by those involved to make the relationship, not just work, but special.There is no clean cut method to become the Google (which has alot of business type goodwill) of relationships, but you must insist of yourself to want more then the pure operations of your business (going through the motions). Reach beyond the book value of your assets and push for the creation of goodwill.

Peace before all,

The Economics of Relationships

Some would consider me a bit detached or emotionless when it comes to relationships. Why? I believe relationships are no more than a business transaction; a merger and acquisition of two people who agree to co-exist, but they exchange wedding vows instead of marketable securities. With this said, what is my point?
Well, I have a few to be specific:
1) In economics, the demand of a product is affected by the number and quality of substitutes. Creating a marketable product that may have replacement present, but the buyer refuses to buy anything other then the concerned product. The aforementioned situation is a big advantage for companies in the realm of trade and commerce. Take Coke and Pepsi for an example: I work and attend a school which is a Coca-Cola campus, where no other competitors are sold. Those who are die hard Pepsi drinkers, will go out of their way to buy Pepsi because they believe that Coke is not a fitting replacement for the taste of Pepsi. Lets liken this example to relationships. In relationship, you, as an individual vested in an union with another person, should create a marketable product ( you and your unique qualities) that can't be replaced. Even though your boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband, is surrounded by Coke he or she will still choose your Pepsi.
2) Staying current. Continuing with our Coke/Pepsi example: Though Pepsi can lean on the fact that there are buyers that will always choose their product... Pepsi still can not fall to the disease of complacency...its marketing strategy, packaging styling, and manufacturing operation must stay current to maintain the level satisfaction for its buyers. The same is true for relationships. I feel in most marriages, correct me if I am wrong, are pushed into disarray because of the yearning to stay current in the other person's eyes is lacking. Staying with the times within your relationship is contributed to the wanting to stay current, communication, and positive interactions.
3) Educated and Selective (more so, exclusive ) buyer. I have focused a lot on the maker of the product, but I would be remiss, if I didn't highlight the need for a educated and selective buyer for the concept of the economics of relationships to be both logical and feasible. What is the point of a nicely packaged and high quality product, if it is being sold to a buyer that does not appreciate it? So when promoting your product to whomever you choose, make sure they are a buyer of high quality, and more importantly, someone who doesn't buy Pepsi and Coke.

Peace before all
Peace. Love. Empowerment.Purity