Expiration date

You ever try to prolong the expiration date on a food product, lets say apples. You may try to put the apples in the 'fridge so they won't spoil. But have you experienced, when you try so hard to preserve these apples they still spoil , and may even spoil faster than normal. So it is true you can not manipulate certain things, experiences, events. I have said time and time again, I will not try to preserve these apple more than nature itself, but I fall in the trap, with the force of blind dependency blowing the wind under my wings. It is interesting how the human mind works. Interesting in deed, well how my mind works. As I shift away from having something I want, I try to have it more, even though, I am losing it. It is like wanting the shoreline while sailing away. Like wanting apples when they are past their expiration date.

Peace
Ashley

May I have my moment "the give-in" and more

It has been awhile. Summer came and went similar in a way to last summer; same scenarios with different actors. I must catch myself sometimes--- I give supremacy to others and forget the importance of me. Even at moments that I could be irate, disgusted, or offended, I still extract the guilt out of the situation to believe it is my fault. Why? I think it is easier to blame yourself (the only person you truly have control over) than to be disappointed and bestow the blame on others (even if, rightfully so).

Am I too nice ? A push-over of some sort? Should I nag and blast others with offenses? Yes, that sounds like a plan. It seems that those who do so seem to have a slight edge in the respect category. Hmmmmmm... sounds like a good thought.

Right now, I have like 1000 thoughts going through my head and 1000 more emotions attached to each thought. I know what I want. When I say that, I mean, I know what I want for everything! In a relationship, career,  and life in general. The feat is actually getting all that I want. Luckily, I understand this early and don't let the norm prescribe what I should do. If I did, I would be in a dead relationship with a guy I meet when I was sixteen, at a mid-size CPA firm making an okay salary ( about 68k), and be in the worst mood 24/7. I rather do it my way than the easy way.

Overall, stress for no reason is really messing with.... 5 month until I leave and looking forward to the change ( I pray for a change)

BTW I was hit by a car like a week ago... an update on that after I meet with my lawyer

Peace

Ashley

Ummmmm blank thoughtS

You ever wonder about your decisions you have made, not in a regertful manner, but in the manner which you try to recreate the moving emotions and reasoning behind the decision(s). There are a few decisions I have made that I wonder "how did (or what made) this begin?" why do I ask myself this, because if I can't explain it to myself , how can I explain it to others (remember my first post, my life is an open book). So I am left with blank thoughts, kinda like blank pages, knowing they should be filled, but not knowing to fill them with.

Peace.
Ashley.

Address the Haters

For all those who thought this was a rant about how people are "hatin on me" you were wrong. This note is to address the people who address the "haters" (i.e anyone who references the song "Hi Haters" or says "I need the haters to hate"). If you always have the sense someone is "hating on you" , even if in the classic sense...who cares! Be what you are about and keep it moving. If you have the motivation to always address the "haters", you need them more than they need you. By objectivism standards, you are a second-rater or second-hander. It is good to have a ego, but let it be based on what you have achieved or can do well, than be based on the shallow belief that someone else wants to be you or is crtical of your lifestyle. Be selfish based on you are being the best person you can be, and not selfless based on worrying about the people worrying about you.PeaceAshley.

Secret Obsession

That one person, no matter how many years past or horrid events occured, that one person just subsist. Subsit, the larking of thier scent in the air around makes you remember or hearing a voice similar makes you recall. When you remember or recall...you zone out to the highlights of the relationship. Most try to drown these thoughts out by saying negative things about the person, but you know if he or she calls you to invite you, you would accept with zeal. How do you get over it...find a new secret obsession. ;)

Peace.
Ashley

These are confusing times...

I am getting my life back on track, far as, the activity and fitness level via the vechile of charity race that are in the surplus during the summer months. The summer, the time for the summer fling or summer romance whichever way you want to word it. There are alot thing that are swirling in this little brain of mine. Going to the Army, my sister is going to college, my dad won't talk to me, trying to stay afloat financially, and wanting to be loved and give love.

If you remember, after my trip to Trinidad, I spoke alot of about how I found the perfect person to be with, but the issue that ,us being together is stopped by a large scope of land and water. Plus, I don't know if he feels that same way. For real, I touch this dude and it was like a life force shot through my body, I never felt that before. I just hope, if I can't be with him that he finds a nice girl to be with , to treat him right.

What's wrong and what's right. Ideals and your beliefs, seem like that they should be black and white, clear cut...but sometime there are not. I am in the process of overhauling my ideal that would rule the domain of my morals and values. I want to be consistent, that is important, to be consistent. Talking the talk, and walking the walk that you just talked about.

I am really just spitting out random bit and pieces. I am just trying to iron everything out.


Peace
Ashley

Aids 5k

Hey, it has been awhile. Craziness has Bern going on in my life, but things are starting to settle. Today, well a few moments ago, I ran a 5k race for aids and cancer research. This meant alot to me since I just found out that someone who means alot to me has the HIV virus. I am going to be truthful I really didn't train for this race, I was depending on the motivating factor of my close friend, which did help, but I should of trained. I am running again next week in boston. I will train this week!

Peace.
Ashley.