Secret Obsession

That one person, no matter how many years past or horrid events occured, that one person just subsist. Subsit, the larking of thier scent in the air around makes you remember or hearing a voice similar makes you recall. When you remember or recall...you zone out to the highlights of the relationship. Most try to drown these thoughts out by saying negative things about the person, but you know if he or she calls you to invite you, you would accept with zeal. How do you get over it...find a new secret obsession. ;)

Peace.
Ashley

These are confusing times...

I am getting my life back on track, far as, the activity and fitness level via the vechile of charity race that are in the surplus during the summer months. The summer, the time for the summer fling or summer romance whichever way you want to word it. There are alot thing that are swirling in this little brain of mine. Going to the Army, my sister is going to college, my dad won't talk to me, trying to stay afloat financially, and wanting to be loved and give love.

If you remember, after my trip to Trinidad, I spoke alot of about how I found the perfect person to be with, but the issue that ,us being together is stopped by a large scope of land and water. Plus, I don't know if he feels that same way. For real, I touch this dude and it was like a life force shot through my body, I never felt that before. I just hope, if I can't be with him that he finds a nice girl to be with , to treat him right.

What's wrong and what's right. Ideals and your beliefs, seem like that they should be black and white, clear cut...but sometime there are not. I am in the process of overhauling my ideal that would rule the domain of my morals and values. I want to be consistent, that is important, to be consistent. Talking the talk, and walking the walk that you just talked about.

I am really just spitting out random bit and pieces. I am just trying to iron everything out.


Peace
Ashley

Aids 5k

Hey, it has been awhile. Craziness has Bern going on in my life, but things are starting to settle. Today, well a few moments ago, I ran a 5k race for aids and cancer research. This meant alot to me since I just found out that someone who means alot to me has the HIV virus. I am going to be truthful I really didn't train for this race, I was depending on the motivating factor of my close friend, which did help, but I should of trained. I am running again next week in boston. I will train this week!

Peace.
Ashley.

This is what it was, not is

For times are strange--
Remain unchanged.
Sameness is incurable--
Infectious is comfort--
Destorying creavity.
Made me leave for good--
Top, roof , hood--
I took off--
For all those not scare to not to conform.
I shoot down all things that brought ills and sickness--
Educate those who think gun play is cool--
Use discouragement as a tool.
The mircales of self expession
Relieves affects of all words that end in -ism, ignorance, and depression- both types
My thoughts really just suit me
Fit real nice
For tonight and forever
Why can we live soul and mind together?
Why be mindless?
Timeless is the thinking of a young man
Timeless is the protest, the platform, the jumping off point of a revolution
Check the history books
Not 100% accurate
But what is
This is by bloodline I give
This is what it was, not is

Make racism, HIV , and ignorance only something we read about, not an exeperience of reality

Peace.
Ashley

The day when New York is warmer than los angles

It is Saturday, the day after the best concert experience at st johns and overall: lupe and NERD. I rocked out heavy... Got to meet pharrell ... Was backstage and stuff. Today I was semi productive, get groceries, did laundry, went for a run...
Center of attention was placed on, me having my first feelings of doubt about going to the army. I would so badly love to be around music as my profession by some means, and thus I question my reasons for wanting to go to the army . Then I think about my need to leave and this is my vehicle, my vessal. Eventhough, I just heard back from the south Korea job last week. I just have to work though the shadow of doubt and use this vehicle to get to where I need to be. Where is that ? The establishment of freedom in my life: a wonderful place

Peace before all,
Ashley

>50%: the struggle to never be hurt or lose in the dating game

I do still believe in my doctrine that proffer in the "economics of relationship" but there are unsysmtemic risks ( business reference) in the dating world. Protecting yourself from these risks should never be done in vain. Well, despise the fact that most relationships don't get off the ground because of communication issues. Which is a problem for me. I believe I express my intention up front and invite that other person into my world , as try to be invited into theirs. But, if time after time things fall thru even when they are foolproof, than what can a girl help but not be disencouraged. So, as a rule of thumb I try not to give more than 50% in a dating situation. Make sense? Who know...

Peace before all,
Ashley.

A nice spring day with monk and miles

I have been away for a while... Over month. Why? I had alot of stuff to think about... And I thought! Thought my way into the army, yes , the US army. I know the war thing is popping off , but I defintely feeling this one of those decisions I am glad that I made when I look back on it.
Also, I glad I took time to think because I was becoming a bitter and angry person, someone I didn't want to be, ever. It is true that I don't have alot of this I want but I have everything I need.
This part of my life , the next 5-8 years, will be interesting and trying ... But I am ready , to get away.

Peace.
Ashley.