New Year's Resolution

1) Save 30% of each paycheck
2) Pay off all my credit cards
3)Finish my CPA exam
4)Travel to at least two other countries
5) Stay current with my blog ;)
6) Stop my energy drink addiction...lol
7) Run the Long Island Half Marathon in May


Peace before all,
Ashley

Off to Trinidad

I am leaving for Trinidad and Tobago for two weeks. I will be without cable and the internet, so I don't think I will be able to post anything, but I have schedule some blog to be posted while I am away. I will definitely will have alot of pictures when I get back.

Peace before all,
Ashley

A World of Emotions

Today, well the last few days, have been a composite of emotion, uncommon to the likes of myself. I try to stay at a even plane of peacefulness, but there are points were my plane starts fold in on itself, kind of like the space-time continuum when a object reaches the speed of light. Well, I had to move out of my apartment, for the reason of encroachment by my landlord, I am not a person to ask for help, but I did. And as usual, the people I rarely ask for help flake out on me. A sense of loneliness and worthlessness swept upon me like a tornado does to the plains of the Midwest. Why do people help everyone else but me? Am I not a nice person? Am I not good enough to be helped? As I ask myself these questions, I felt myself drifting further away from the human community with every second past, with every increase in my level of anger. I have always felt that the life I live is surreal. Dreamlike, I see and hear everyone else, but no one sees me, no one cares. I have no attachment, no anchor to this world. The anger that swelled inside me was inhuman, but it is just not today, but everyday. I might be struggling on the street with heaviest bags known to man, as I am known to carry several bags, but no one will even venture to ask to see if I need help. If I saw me, or any other person, I would ask. Have I done something wrong in a past life? Have I said the wrong words to my fellow man? Or maybe I don't projected to value to society that satisfies the requirement for being helped. So, I am alone, as usual. I value self, so there is no need to supply any anti-depressant or therapy sessions.


Peace before all,
Ashley.

Woman, Am I?

Blessed with requriements

Thick Lips

Wide Hips

Woman, Am I?

I am no Diva

I am no Queen

I am no Princess

Woman, Am I?

I sweat

I cry

I smell

Woman, Am I?

Aggressive with the boys

Aggressive against the girls

Aggression is me

Woman, Am I?

Sex on my mind

Pick a boy that is all types of fine

No need to lock him down to be just mine

Woman, Am I?

Not in looks

My pride's source

Is the knowledge gained from books

And the risks I have took

Woman, Am I?


I love humanly

I bleed monthly

I think deeply

Woman, Am I?

I am figuring it out

Someday, I do sit and wonder about the world, how if certain events happened, or didn't happen-- how human social interaction would be completely different. Today was engrossed in the topics of homophobia and racism--two mechanism of blind hatefulness. I wondered what they were a result of; ignorance, yes, but that is a given. As I thought deeper, I discovered what was the source of these two social prejudicial mainstays.

Homophobia is the result of pure and unyielding vanity, especially those of the male gender. The thought that if this guy like man, and I am man, he must want me. This assumption fuels the erratic paranoia of homophobic. Truly, you must apply the same laws of attraction of heterosexuals to that of homosexuals. I am heterosexual; I am attracted to men, but not all men, and the same is true for a homosexual male (or female).


Racism is the product of insecurity and ignorance. When I say insecurity, it is deduced from the aggregate of racial inferiority. The fear that is discovered when it is realized that "a people" have certain traits, features, or characteristics that create a nexus of adaptability better fitting in the Darwinistic battle in the ever-changing terrestrial environment. Lies and falsehoods are substituted for reality and passed on as the truth, or the fact as stated by the laws of nature.


This are just thoughts, but I believe they applicable without too much of a stretch (really, no stretch at all).

Peace before all,
Ashley

Jazz music and a snowy New York day are a perfect pair

The soundtrack to my day, on this wintry expression in December, was John Coltrane's "Living Space." The snow fell with a certain zeal and pretentiousness that surprised me. I had things to do today. I wanted to start moving out my apartment, and being my stuff to the storage unit I rented. I wasn't going to happen. I was mad at first, but it turns out, today was a good day.

On the bus, I murmured lines of poetic hopefuls. I thought up "Woman, Am I," centered around my femininity that is ever-in-flux and always in question; I pondered about my blackness and how it is not rooted in the South or West Indies, but just blackness, which most can't wrap their minds around; and I dreamed of freedom from the obligation of the norm pushed upon me as burdensome load that is carried daily. It was jazz--without words sung, that helped me create the words of my thoughts. It is true--I love music, sounds, all other pleasant vibrations of the ear. Creativity-- picture, painting, writing, expressions of the human mind. It took a cold New York afternoon for me to feel the warmth of creativity and the result of thereof. Even so, I saw Will Smith new movie, "Seven Pounds", and it was moving to say this least, with artistic shots, dramatic plot structure, and excellent casting and acting. Creativity, bien.

I am writing this, as John Coltrane's fills my ears, this time his "Afro Blue Impressions," and I feel that next to nothing could make this day better.


Peace before all,
Ashley

Pornographic actress honoring...

In his song "Hurt Me Soul", Lupe Fiasco highlights ..." all the world's ills...", and one of which was, as the title reads, "...pornographic actress honoring."
Firstly, I feel my advocacy for the female practitioner of the adult entertainment consortium, is not based on a hidden life soaked in lust and sinful endeavors, but is steeped in my effort to uplift the female gender in all arenas.
Pornographic actresses are usually linked to nymphomania, drug addiction, and other forms of recklessness. Is there mention of the good? Rarely. Entrepreneurship, tough skin, steadfastness is never mentioned.
It is a profession, just as my profession. I am an accountant; they do adult movies, no difference. We are both in a control environment with co-workers that whisper gossip, annoying supervisors, and "office" modus operandi that seems never to be realistically applicable.
So why not honor them? If I have done outstanding work that is beyond the level of any other CPA in the country, should I not win a "CPA of the Year" Award?
And there should be no difference in the adult industry, so support the 2009 AVN Awards, this upcoming January. Support female empowerment!